does this count as therapy? does this count as anything?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Just Caught Myself...

...Looking online for something to send her as a housewarming gift. Something HP-related, that would be super cool, original (looking. I ain't got that kind of skrill, sirs.), and would blow her away at my thoughtfulness and generosity.

I pushed myself away from the computer table like "whoa, WHY am I doing this? Were NOT EVEN FRIENDS ANYMORE."

And then it hit me like a flash: I want her to miss me more than I miss her, and to be the one who still likes me. I want her to pine away for our friendship like I know she isn't. I know she isn't because that was always one of my favorite things about her, that she just sort of does this "cut your losses" deal when things don't work out in ANY area of her life.

What the fuck, and how manipulative of me! And how embarrassing.

Even though we're not friends, I refuse to be a twat to her, as this is not how I wish to represent myself in this world.

Thanks for listening.



1 comment:

  1. Be the person you want everyone to think you are regardless of who knows it or even your motivation. Its not the vast complex of impulses we have (laudable and deplorable) that define who we are, but which ones we choose to act on.